Loving Men With Bad Tempers: Why & How khổng lồ Cope with Them

An adult having a temper is no different than a toddler having a tantrum.

Posted August 28, 2012 | Reviewed by Abigail Fagan

Believe sầu it or not, some adults are stuck in childhood to the degree that they occasionally have what I Call an adult temper tantrum. People typically describe an adult with this problem as having a "bad temper," but the truth is that they have temper tantrums just like little kids vị. In society, it seems lớn be more prevalent và accepted that men have bad tempers. Ever wonder what all the women bởi vì when society says it"s not okay for them khổng lồ turn over a table or scream all over the house? In a nutshell, women are more likely to internalize their feelings.

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Recently, a client of mine told me about what happens in her house when her husb& loses his temper. In short, everyone gets scared và walks around on eggshells until her husbvà gets his mood under control. My client loves her husbvà but is afraid that this trait will never change. What"s more, I know that she is probably one of millions of women who live sầu with someone with an anger problem. These environments slowly chip away at the victim"s self-esteem to the point that he or she starts feeling hopeless about the future or things ever getting better.

Why would anyone — man or woman — still engage in temper tantrums as a grown adult? There are actually a few reasons, but one reason is particularly important: The people who engage in this behavior do so because they are able to lớn get away with it without suffering serious consequences. Far too often, the loved ones tell themselves that the one with the temper can"t truly change. I consistently explain to my clients that people can"t necessarily change their personality but can certainly change their behaviors.

Having a temper tantrum as an adult reflects behavior that can be changed, as opposed lớn the more severe diagnosis of Intermittent Explosive sầu Disorder (IED). In case you"re not familiar with it, individuals with this disorder have anger problems, but the anger is so severe that it causes the individuals khổng lồ be physically violent toward themselves, others, or property. With individuals who simply have sầu bad tempers, they blow up, lash out, và scream, but they are often careful khổng lồ avoid violence.

What should you vì when the person you love sầu has a temper? Let me be clear when I say this: If someone in your house is guilty of adult temper tantrums, you must say "No more." You must create a "No Tantrum Policy" khổng lồ protect the peace of your house and environment. Everyone must learn how khổng lồ manage their feelings, and there are countless better outlets for getting rid of frustration when someone feels overwhelmed than lớn have sầu an infantile mood implosion.

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The most important thing to lớn vị if someone in your life has tantrums that affect you is to lớn sit the person down và seriously describe how the tantrums affect you. Explain that you are willing lớn work together with that person khổng lồ help him or her find better ways to lớn cope when he or she feels overwhelmed. Have sầu a mental time limit in your head of how long you are willing khổng lồ give sầu him to lớn change & stick khổng lồ it. Force yourself to lớn come out of the clophối và let your closest friends and family members know that your partner has a problem and that you have sầu phối a time limit for the change lớn occur — no more protecting the one with the temper và hiding the truth from others. Honestly, you need khổng lồ say certain things out loud lớn others to hear yourself admit that there"s a problem, & you must encác mục their support for the potentially rough road ahead.

Feel free khổng lồ check out my book, Overcome Relationship Repetition Syndrome & Find the Love You Deserve sầu or follow me on Twitter.


Seth Meyers, Psy.D.

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, is a licensed clinical psychologist, TV guest expert, author, & relationship expert.